A Most Difficult Decision

While we have been hoping to post some good news here soon, it looks as though this is not the day.

Matt and I have decided to place our adoption plans on hold for now. Our agency has been phenomenal to work with, and they are willing to place a hold on our file until we are ready to proceed.

Many circumstances have brought us to this decision. Not quite two weeks ago, we received a referral for a beautiful baby boy who we agreed to adopt. We accepted him as our son and signed the necessary paperwork. We experienced the elation felt with a referral, only to find out less than a week later, that circumstances beyond anyone's control would ultimately prevent us from being able to parent him. Obviously that decision was heart-breaking to make, and we are emotionally devastated.

We need time go through the grieving process before accepting the referral of another child. We want to be able to answer the referral call with excitement, and rejoice over the news. Right now, we are not ready for that, the sadness is really just now completely surfacing. Keep in mind, on top of everything else, the referral and loss of referral came a mere 12 days after Matt narrowly escaped losing his life. We had barely had enough time to come to grips with that, and we received the referral.

While Matt and I are both strong individuals (and even stronger together) who never give up on anything we believe in, we must yield to the emotions we are experiencing, so we can fully appreciate the gift we are to receive.

We are so thankful for all of the support of our friends and family throughout this difficult time-you have made such a difference. We look forward to being able to share in the good news of a baby in the future. Until then, stay tuned, I will certainly keep our blog updated.

Owlhaven-an awesome blog, book and giveaway!

Okay Mom’s out there, whether you’re a Mom to many or just one; I have some info to share with you.

Several months ago, a fellow waiting Mom shared a link to Mary’s (Owlhaven) blog (which I have linked to my blog on the right of the page). She and her husband have 10 kiddos from 3 different countries. I have enjoyed reading about how she manages a large family, plus homeschooling, gardening, taking photos, and writing a book!

Her book, “A Sane Woman’s Guide to Raising a Large Family” will be released in April and is currently available for pre-order. She is currently hosting a “book giveaway” and you can click on the link above and enter for a chance to win one of four copies she is giving away. I do not have a large family, just large responsibilities to my family! I read her blog daily, and I cannot wait to read this book. Even if I do not win a copy, you can bet I will order one for myself!

Good luck!

The Wheel..........

Anyone who knows us, knows what we have been through as a family recently.

That being said, the other day I was driving home from work and (for once) was not in the mood for NPR. Now, I LOVE NPR, but I had truly had enough "Gloom & Doom" for one person for a *very* long time.

I had heard this song before, but had kind of disregarded it. When heard it again the other day, I searched for the lyrics.

All I can say is............wow!

Jesus Take The Wheel-lyrics

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
she was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on

Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh

(Carrie Underwood)

Checking in & maybe some good news......

Hello again from our home.

We are still trying to get over the emotion of not being able to parent our son. While we are at peace with what was right for the baby and our family-the loss is in no way diminished or any less real. I think folks who have not been there need to imagine it as a miscarriage. No, we may never have physically held him in our arms, but he was our son, the child of our heart.

We are feeling more peace knowing he *may* be
finding his forever family-soon. Nothing would make us happier.

In the meantime, here are two of the people in my life who give me joy, peace, and a reason for doing all I do.
Enjoy…………………


NO guys! I am NOT sleeping in my dinner!


Creating her painting masterpiece


I love painting, Mama


Just checking Daddy out for Mama


Hold it Daddy-I think I have something here!


Hoping for good news in the near future.

Terrible News...............

This is the most difficult news to post.

We just wanted to let everyone know that we will not able to proceed with the adoption of our son. Due to circumstances that were beyond anyone's control, we came to the heartbreaking realization that we will not be able to parent him. Needless to say, we are devastated. He is a beautiful, sweet child, and he deserves the right home.

This has been a very harrowing last 48 hours for our family. We have done so much soul searching, shed so MANY tears, and spent sleepless nights thinking about everything.

We did decide we are not ready to bow out of the process at this point, and have let the agency director know that we want to remain on the waiting list. We believe our child is out there waiting for us. Tragically, he was not that child.

Please pray for this sweet child, that he is cared for and loved and that he finds a forever family that is right for him. We will never forget that precious, sweet face.

Our family, friends, and community of fellow waiting parents have been such a wonderful source of support and encouragement. We thank you for all you have done to help us through this.

Praying for good news in His time.

Matt's Second Chance.......

On Saturday February 21st, Matt had to have emergency surgery, and narrowly escaped losing his life.

He was in our 3rd floor attic working (we *were* going to finish it and make it a family room) and the circular saw jerked and hit his thigh. He has an (approx) 20cm x 6cm wound that extends down to his femur.

I had just been up to check on him and he was planning to take a break soon. I went back downstairs and about 5 minutes later, thought I heard him yelling, so I ran back up to the second floor to check on him. He told me to "get something for pressure" so I grabbed a twin bed sheet. I was not sure how I'd be able to climb up the tiny opening to the 3rd floor to get him down-there was barely enough room for one person! He kind of "fell" out of the opening and was (what I thought) holding his hand by his thigh. I thought he had cut his hand off. He collapsed at the top of our stairs and I called 911. There was soooooo much blood and I could not get it to stop. I realized it was *not* his hand when he lifted it up to hand me his belt- I saw his femur while I was tying his belt around his thigh to stop the bleeding.

He slid down to the 1st floor and I kept applying pressure. I had no idea if he'd hit an artery or not-there was so much blood, and when I tried to add more fabric to the pressure dressing as he was lying on our dining room floor, he tried to "help" me and knocked the dressing off. When a section of his thigh flopped over laterally, I then saw his fat, muscle, and his femur. What a day that was is an understatement!

EMS talked of airlifting him to the hospital, but decided the hospital was a safe ambulance ride. They called a trauma surgeon to do the surgery. He severed 2 of his 4 quadriceps muscles, barely missed sawing through his femur, and narrowly missed severing his femoral artery. This could have been nothing but worse-had he hit the artery, I would have been burying my husband!

After the surgery, I asked the surgeon if Matt would be able to walk on that leg again. He was very vague told me "I hope so, but there was so much trauma, and we have to hope the muscles that are sewn together will heal." I also asked how many sutures he had-the surgeon said he "lost count." They had to stitch him up inside and then out.

Needless to say, the house looked like a crime scene. I have never seen so much blood without someone losing their life. I took pictures for Matt to see after he was home-I knew if I cleaned it up without pics, Matt would never believe it!

All said, he spent 5 days in the hospital and is now home. He is starting to bear some weight on his leg, and the surgeon is shocked! He had his drain taken out on Thursday 2/26, then saw the surgeon again yesterday-but he wanted to wait another week to remove the stitches. Fine with me, I agree!

So in the meantime, I am helping him clean the wound, changing his dressings twice a day (our surgeon Alina Jayne is helping) and watching him push himself to regain full function.

Since we got married, we have ALWAYS been thankful for each day we have together. Now we realize we need to cherish each *second* we have. I had just talked to him before the accident, and 5 minutes later, he had his accident. Just that quickly, he could have been gone. By the grace of God, he is still here, Alina Jayne still has her Daddy, I still have my soulmate, and our baby in Ethiopia still has a Father here.

The pics I posted are fairly G rated. We have some taken in the OR before he was "fixed" but are not suitable for the faint of heart!







Matt's Aunt (Nonna) gave him a couple of very cute get well gifts. Not to make light of a very serious situation, but these were great! Humor is so healing!


Check out the "edited" cover




The only circular saw Matt will ever use again!

Stay tuned....................

Good News from Ethiopia!

No, we do NOT have our referral yet! However, there is other awesome news. Until recently, there have only been two judges to hear adoption cases in Ethiopia-which means things have been moving VERY SLOWLY. Example-once a family receives their referral (i.e. find out who their baby is), it has been taking about four months for them to get a court date in Ethiopia (i.e. the date the child is legally theirs). This is a process that used to take about two months. With the addition of this third judge, this means that those families who have known who their precious children are and have been assigned court dates four months later, will most likely have their court dates moved up! This means they will be getting their precious babies home much sooner! YIPPEE!

What does this mean for Matt and I? Well, if this process really does speed up, then once we receive our referral, we should have a shorter wait for a court date too. However, since we are having our baby/ies escorted from Ethiopia (which adds some time to the homecoming) and the state we live in has a notoriously S-L-O-W Immigration system, we will be lucky if our sweet one/s will be home by the end of the year. I hate to say, "oh well" but it is not in our hands. I am just so happy for those families who have been waiting for or who have a court date that is many months away-they should be seeing their new ones sooner than they expected!

On the home front, we are *supposed* to have a nice little snow storm this weekend. I am praying that this really does happen! I do not have to work this weekend, and Alina Jayne and I have a snowman to build. The last significant snowfall was the fluffy, powdery kind-no snowballs or snowmen from that!

More later!

One Step Closer????

A new place to surf the net

....to Alina Jayne sleeping in her own room????

Her BIG reason for not sleeping in her room was that there was no computer in there. "I can't stay in there with no computer!" She occasionally says she also needs a TV, but the computer was the deal breaker. We happen to have an old computer that is fine for for internet use (so she can play on PBS Kids Play & Noggin) and an old computer desk. We were going to wait to set up her "workstation" until Matt had a chance to paint the desk and get a flat panel monitor, but he decided tonight he would just set up what we have on hand for the time being. After all, he spent months renovating and decorating a nursery for her before she came home from China, and she STILL has never slept in there!

After he finished setting things up, we called her upstairs. She squealed with excitement, sat down and said "OH MY GOODNESS, THIS IS SOOOOOO EXCITING!" She then proceeded to ask her Dad and I to close the door and go downstairs so she could have "privacy."


"OH MY GOODNESS THIS IS SOOOOOO EXCITING!!"


They *THINK* I'm really going to sleep in here!



Uh oh, they really do expect me to sleep in here!

The view from her bed......

Even if we don't end up putting a TV in there, she could watch a DVD on her computer from her bed. It's a pretty sweet set-up if I may say so myself. From an oldest child who ALWAYS had to share a bedroom with one or both of my sisters, I have decided if Alina Jayne does not want to use her room, I will move in!





One day closer to only two people in our bed??? We shall see :O)

Like Daddy Like Daughter..............

What? I should be in BED??

As I have mentioned before, my hubby is very handy around the house. Seems Alina Jayne is just like her Daddy. Whenever he works on a project here, she is right beside him trying to help out. She spends a great deal of time in his workshop, playing with the tools, etc.

The other night, Matt decided to rearrange our washer and dryer. Alina Jayne was *supposed* to be in bed, but she "needed to help her Daddy." Of course, I got the camera out and snapped away-and then it hit me. She was helping her Daddy install the washer and dryer in 2006, and I took pics then too. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Enjoy....................

Oh, by the way, did I mention that on 2/14, we have been waiting for our baby's referral for THREE months? Not that anyone is keeping track ;O)


I have tools and I know how to use them!




Let me adjust this here


Just one more minor tweak


All fixed Mama, I can go to bed now


Handy with the tools (before she was 2)!


Working on the washer in 2006


Helping Daddy in 2006

A precious gift from China.............................

We received a most wonderful gift from Alina Jayne's SWI (orphanage) today!

About a week or so ago, a member of the Yuanling Yahoo Group that we belong to posted a message to let everyone know that the director of the SWI (Director Zhao) had sent a box of Chinese New Year cards to her to distribute to families with children from Yuanling in the USA. We were so thrilled to be able to receive such a wonderful gift from the woman who not only gave our daughter a last name in China (Zhao), but was also responsible for starting the Foster Care program that allowed Alina Jayne to live in a loving foster home from the time she was one month old until we adopted her at age 15 mos.

The card is beautiful! Most of the text is in Chinese, so we will have to e-mail a copy to our WONDERFUL translator, Stephen So (http://ssotranslations.tripod.com) to find out what it says!

(Front)

(Back)

(Inside)

(Envelope)

Too wiped out to surf..................

Just had to post this!

Alina Jayne LOVES to use the computer to play games. She turns it on, logs on and goes to the two sites she loves- & then logs off and shuts it down when she is finished-all this and we only showed her how to do this once. About a month or so ago, she brought a full color picture of Curious George to us when we she was finished playing. Her Dad and I were shocked, and asked her how in the heck she got that, to which she replied "Mom, Dad, it is REALLY easy, you just click print!" Well duh!

Tonight after she was ready for bed, she pleaded with us to let her play "one more game." We knew she was getting tired, but we decided it was okay. After telling her to turn the volume down 2 or 100 times (yes, we sound like *our* parents yelling for us to turn our music down when we were teenagers), it got *very* quiet. We went to the kitchen to check on her and this is what we found........

ZZZZZZZZZZ



Guess she got tired waiting for her page to load!

Yes, she is tucked snugly in bed (ours of course) as I post this!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ALINA JAYNE IS 4!!!

This was a special day around here-Alina Jayne is 4 today!

Her party was supposed to be Saturday, but unfortunately, Great Grandma called a couple of hours before the party and said she was not feeling well. Mama went to check on her and decided she needed to go to the ER. We delayed the party from 4:00 to 5:30, but then re-scheduled it for today when she was admitted for testing. She was devastated to have missed all of the fun, but she is where she needs to be, having testing and observation.

Waiting for her party to start.....

This was only a small party anyway-just Grandparents, so it was easy to re-schedule it for today. We had Papa, Grammy and Grandpa, Aunt Nonna and cousin Claudie came along with Papa.

Aunt Nonna

Grandpa

Grammy Patty

Daddy & Papa

Cousin Claudia

Alina Jayne got sooo many cool gifts-Aunt Nonna brought some cool stuff from Japan (where her Grandkids are from) and she got a ton of clothes. Aunt Nonna also got Alina Jayne an African baby doll, which the women passed around to snuggle like it was a *real* baby!

We had pizza, Chinese dumplings, lettuce wraps, shrimp, Chinese sugar doughnuts, and cupcakes. We also had the traditional oranges, but Mama forgot to put them out! Call me a knuckle head!

We all had so much fun visiting, we almost forgot to sing happy birthday! When we finally did, Alina Jayne asked us to do it over-she did not have her birthday tiara on! So of course, we did!

"Oh no, something's not right-where is my tiara?"

"Whew, that's better!"

We sent some cupcakes with Papa to give to the Grandkids who weren't here, along with a Hong Bao (red envelope) with "lucky money" for each of them. We cannot wait to finally be able to celebrate ETHIOPIAN HOLIDAYS too!

One other big event occurred-Alina Jayne got a BIG GIRL BED! Daddy finished making the bed frame a few days ago, and Santa brought her new big girl bedding. So for her 4th b-day, we re-did her room. Of course, she has NEVER slept in there! She has had a crib, toddler bed and now a big girl bed. Hoping the third try is a charm!

The Big Girl Room!

Enjoy the photos. Off to watch the Superbowl!

 

(CLICK ON THE COLLAGE TO SEE THE PICS LARGER)