As I previously mentioned, I am first and foremost, thankful for my family. This post will certainly reflect that.
I am thankful that my Mom was able to see me happy before she died. This may sound cliche, but it is not, let me explain.
I was married once before for a few years. The "marriage" was doomed from the beginning. It lacked the basic things needed to make any relationship work, especially a marriage. There was no trust, no respect, no support, and sadly, I realize now, no love either. I filed for divorce and moved on, a bitter, untrusting soul, who swore she would never allow herself to trust or be hurt again, determined to "do it on my own." I was happy living alone (at least I believed that at the time), and swore there would never, EVER be a man in my life to ruin it again. I was single, self-supportive and successful. I did not need a man and convinced myself I did not want children either.
A few years later, fate would bring Matt and I together. We had dated briefly in high school several years earlier, broke up and went our separate ways, each eventually marrying other people. In 1999, our siblings (my sister and his brother) ran into each other after many years, and started dating. They hounded us to meet them for dinner one night in June, 1999, and the rest is history. We were engaged in July, married in November, on my 31st b-day and my Mom and Dad's 32nd wedding anniversary (yes, I was their 1st anniversary present)!
While we were dating, I tried to convince myself that the feelings I was experiencing were a novelty, and would wear off in a month or so (I even bet Matt $100 it would not last a month). I had never in my life thought of someone so much, waited for the phone to ring, feeling my heart skip a beat when it did (then of course, trying to play it "cool" when I answered). I had never watched the clock tick away the minutes so agonizingly slowly, waiting for the time we could see each other again in the evening. I could not wait for him to call me each morning. I had never, ever felt so completely content, so happy.
One day I was talking to my Mom on the phone while I was at work. She mentioned that Matt and I had been seeing a lot of each other, and she wondered what I thought was going on. I told her that I had never in my life felt the things I was feeling. It was then (thanks to my Mom)I realized what I was feeling, when she told me "that's what love feels like, Kristy, when it's right, you know it."
A few weeks later, we were sitting on her patio after one of her chemo treatments. She turned to me and said, " I want to tell Matt thank you." Confused, I asked her why. Then she told me "for so long you have been so unhappy, so bitter, and honesty, not very much fun to be around sometimes. Matt gave me my daughter back, and I will always be thankful for that. YOU are back, he brings out all the good in you."
So no, this is not cliche. My husband is the reason for my happiness, the good in my life, my strength, my everything. My Mom was able to see this before she died, able to see her daughter happy, content, and in love with a man like the one she fell in love with so many years before. As a Mother, I know how much that must have delighted her heart, how much peace it gave her. I hope someday I can see this happen in my daughter's life.
November 30th, 1999
