It has been a while since I have posted anything substantial. We went through a few "bumps in the road" in the last few weeks, and I needed to get our house in order so to speak.
As many of you know, the economic downturn has hit health care along with every other sector. My office has been no exception. In the last 6 mos, the company I work for started by initiating a hiring freeze, then closing the office on 2/4 Saturdays per month, then all 4 Saturdays, to finally, closing my office 2 days per week. Obviously, this was a huge shock to me, as I have always worked full-time plus. In the past, when Matt's job would slow down, I was always able to "take up the slack" by picking up extra hours to compensate. Things have been slow at his job, and as a result, he had been working about 24 hours per week, taking a few hours of vacation time here and there to cushion things. I was able to make up the rest. Then suddenly, I was facing a reduction in hours, and I was at a loss. For a few days, I was convinced this was the end of the world. The end of everything that we know. We just came off of hold with our adoption agency and were back on the waiting list for a referral. Now this! I spent several days feeling sorry for myself, for us (but in all honesty, mostly myself).
So many wonderful friends have been such a tremendous support, and they helped me to see the situation with a fresh set of eyes. Allow me to list how what I was originally convinced was the end of the world, is actually a blessing:
(1) Recently, I had been talking with my Dad about how a certain relative has taken the summer off from school to "be with her kids" but seems to dump them off at her Dad's more than she has them herself. I mentioned to my Dad on numerous occasions, what I wouldn't give to be able to have the summer home with MY daughter. Well, maybe this IS my opportunity for more one on one time with her. This may be the only time we have together like this-she starts K-4 in the fall.
(2) In the last few months, both my Dad's Neurologist and his Nephrologist, have asked him to have me contact them to discuss a job with them, as they both "really need a Nurse Practitioner" to help with their work loads. One was looking for someone full or part-time, the other, part-time to start. Of course, I never did contact them. I figured all was fine where I was, I like the work I do, the hours are good, and to be honest, I was afraid of the challenge of a new position in a new specialty. I have gotten very "spoiled" by simplicity of the work I do. I could see no reason to "upset the apple cart" especially if we would be adding to our family in the next year. I could not justify adding another life change to the mix, so I all but forgot about it. Besides, how the heck would I interview somewhere when I work everyday? Well, if I had not had a reduction in hours, I can say for certain, I STILL would not be looking for a new job. I realize my Dad's doctors may have already filled the positions, but now I have a *reason* to look for a more challenging job with better compensation.
(3) Another thing-pertaining to the adoption plans. Since we started this journey, way back before Alina Jayne, there have been "signs" that we were somehow not meant to have a son. To begin, back in 2004, we were pursuing the domestic adoption route. We were selected by a birthmother who (after we traveled to pick up the baby) decided to try to "sell" us her child. VERY BAD SITUATION to say the least. We ended up pursuing adoption through China (which ironically, was our
first choice, but we were too afraid to deal with a foreign government-naive, I know) and I cannot stress enough how much Alina Jayne was
meant to be our daughter. When we decided to pursue a second adoption from Ethiopia, we indicated that we were open to a child of either gender-which means we would be referred a boy. Well, in March, we received a referral for a boy, whom we later found had profound disabilities that we were not approved for, or had the resources to deal with. As a result, we had to make the very difficult decision to decline the referral, and we then officially placed our file on hold. Earlier this month, we decided we were ready to pursue adoption again, and went back on the waiting list. We talked with the agency director about changing our preference to a girl at that time, but when we found out that our wait for a referral would be VERY long, we selfishly decided to keep our preference as "either" knowing we'd be referred a boy quickly (likely this month). Then I found out about my reduction in hours, and it was clear. We were
supposed to be exercising patience. We should have made the change and requested a girl when we went back on the waiting list in May-we were MEANT to
WAIT for a girl. It is not time for us to be parents again right now, but when it is time, we are supposed to be parents to a
girl.
(4) Not long after we found out about my hours, Matt's department ended up landing a huge project, one that is requiring him to work many hours to complete. Meanwhile, this heavy workload will provide a steady stream of work, while other jobs are quoted and more projects are secured for him to work on. Sure, it would have been nice for this to be the case while I was still working full-time (plus), but at least we can maintain things while I find a better position.
So, what I originally could not understand, what I was certain was the absolute worse-case scenario, ended up being sprinkled with hidden blessings. Unexpected, extra time with our daughter, the push I needed to look for a better job, and clarity in our adoption plans.
I have faith that all will work out as it is supposed to. Maybe I should have been listening to what Alina Jayne always says when she comes home from school, " God is soooooooo good."
Check back soon.
My Blessings
